Toddlerville

It's been four months since my last Toddlerville update and that's more than enough time for the entire landscape of Toddlerville to change. For example, we've moved past the lick every public thing that has been touched, sneezed on, and coughed on by 25,674 people phase that we were in just under a year ago. Thank God. But now we're in the No phase. Like hardcore NOs to everything and sometimes it feels like all that gets said in this house is some variation of no. Anyone else there too right now? And while we're at it, please tell me some of these scenarios look a little bit familiar too. #momsolidarity

When in order to clean a tiny corner of your house you have to let your child destroy the other 98%:

When a trip to the store requires the same amount of precision and planning as a covert military operation. And let's be honest, it's a doomed mission from the get go. Ez inevitably hones in on a toy car in 2.5 seconds flat. Or at the very least toothpaste with Lightning McQueen on it. And then he of course wants me to "open it??!" immediately. That leaves three parental choices. Option 1) Break it to him right then that we aren't paying for it or opening it. Not now. Not ever. Obviously this method only works when we didn't really want to shop, we just wanted to walk into the store and walk right back out dragging a flailing toddler behind us. Option 2) Pretend like we'll eventually pay for it and hope that his nonexistent toddler attention span will work in our favor today. Or, Option 3) Just agree to pay for it. When we're done shopping, of course. All three options lead to the same result: a whining toddler asking you to "pay for it??!" at least twenty times per aisle leading to the inevitable meltdown two aisles before checkout with a full cart and the choice to either suck it up and wait in line with a screaming toddler, or abort mission and go home without any necessary provisions to get through the week. 

When your vocabulary dwindles almost as quickly as your toddler's vocabulary grows. I blame this on the fact that in order for my toddler's vocabulary to grow we have to repeat the same words and phrases over and over and over again which results in a never ending cycle of the same conversation day in and day out. And don't even get me started on the repetition of story time. Ez's current favorite book is Go Dog Go, which I'm going to go ahead and label as top five most annoying children's books of all time. The bright side is that at least one of us is getting smarter...

When this makes you want to both laugh and cry:

Between diaper deficiencies, rudimentary understanding of utensils, and a complete toddler-imposed ban on napkins there's just so much laundry. And stain removal. And why do kids clothes even come in white? I don't remember the last time I saw the bottom of the hamper, and I don't have any expectations of seeing it for the next 17 and a half years or so.

When the answer to everything is No. Say No first, ask questions later - that's the two year old motto. Almost every time I ask Ez if he wants water or a snack I get an emphatic NO! in return, shortly followed by "wawa?" Sigh. Learn how to say yes! And heaven forbid I offer him water when he's not thirsty, because I don't just get a simple no thanks. It's a full on screaming "NO!" complete with flailing arms. The indignation. How dare I try to rehydrate him? Sometimes I catch him saying no to himself for no reason at all. Like he's just practicing for the moment I ask him something. On the flip side, I find myself saying no all day long too. And I really hate it. But it's either that or let him practice WWE moves on Declan. Or play soccer on the stairs. Or open the fridge and try to climb the shelves...you get the point.

What stage is your toddler at? I'm starting to get a little glimpse of threenager antics and the mood swings ain't pretty. But we're also getting to the stage where Ez says so many cute and funny things. And along with the mood swings come lots of extra snuggles, so the pros do outweigh the pull your hair out moments. And on the days that they don't then there's always this must read article:  Top 6 Wines That Pair With Your Child's Crappy Behavior. So what are we drinking tonight? ;)