Conversations in Toddlerville

Ez is officially at that age where he says silly things out of nowhere that crack us up. It's the best because his personality is shining through so much, and it also means he gives us unprompted I love yous which just melts my heart. But, depending on the conversation and the amount of times he repeats it this can definitely be a mentally draining age as well. I've probably never made as many empty threats in my life as I have in the past three months. Here are just a few of the conversations I've remembered to record lately. Or more likely they've been repeated so many times that they're permanently imprinted on my brain.

edit: I was reminded about that last watermelon convo and had to share because it had the whole table cracking up.

Conversation at Michael's
Me: If we buy this play dough we're not opening it until we get home.
Ez: We will open it when we get home.
Ez at register: I want to open the play dough?
Me: Nope, not until we get home, remember?
Ez: We will open it when we get home.
Ez in car: Want to open the play dough?
Me: Are we at home?
Ez: We will open it when we get home.
Ez 1 minute later: Want to open the orange play dough?
Me: No.
Ez 1 minute later: Want to open the pink play dough?
Me: NO!
<Ez repeats for each of the DOZEN colors>
Me: If you mention the play dough one more time I'm throwing them all out the window!
Ez: Orange?
Me: sigh...

Wandering through Target
Ez: No! I don't want this cakepop.
Ez: <takes bite of cakepop>
Me: I thought you weren't going to eat that cakepop?
Ez: No!
Ez: <takes another bite of cakepop>

Garbage Day
Me: Ez! Run to the window! The garbage truck is coming!
Ez (after the garbage truck leaves): It will be back. The garbage truck will come back.
Me: It'll be back in 7 days.
Ez: It will be back in 5 days.
Me: 7 days.
Ez: 7 minutes.
Me: Close. 7 days.
<repeat in constant loop for next 7 days. enjoy 5 minutes of peace while garbage truck is on our street. repeat whole process again.>

Fun fact: thanks to YouTube Ez calls the garbage truck a rubbish truck half the time...

Painting Eggs

Ez: Want to paint eggs?

Me: It's raining today. We'll paint them tomorrow.

7 am: <open my eyes and see two eyes staring back at me 1 inch from my face>

Ez: Want to paint eggs??

Randomly throughout day
Ez: I luhves you.
Me: I love you more.
Ez: I luhves you more.
Me: Not possible. I love you the most!
Ez: I love you to the moon and back!

Easter Supper
Ez (to Joe): Want a piece of watermelon Daddy?
Joe: No thanks bud, I'm good.
Ez (to Grampa): Want a piece of watermelon Grampa?
Grampa: No thanks, I'm good.
Ez (to me): Want a piece of watermelon Mommy?
Me: Yes, I'll have a piece. Thanks Ez, you're so sweet.
Ez: No thanks, Mommy. You're good. <quickly shoves watermelon in his mouth>

During those rare moments we aren't negotiating the garbage truck's schedule, you can most likely find Ez right here playing with his garbage truck:

12 Days of Toddler Christmas

Joe and I are loving this Christmas with one full-on toddler and one not-so-toddler little boy. The days are limited when they'll jump up and down with excitement at the sight of the Christmas tree lighting up. I'm possibly more giddy than they are at the idea of them opening up their presents on Christmas morning. Declan rocking out to Christmas music is the cutest thing ever. BUT a toddler Christmas is its own special kind of Christmas. It's a messy, very un-Pinteresty kind of holiday. I've lost count of the ornament and decoration casualties. I'll probably never forget having to search Declan's mouth for bits of glass ornament fragments. The trauma of visiting Santa. The lack of any concept of time which makes explaining how an advent calendar works or that Christmas is still two weeks away the most useless and frustrating task I've ever undertaken. The never ending threats that Santa only visits GOOD little boys and girls. So, taking it all in, the good, the messy, and the meltdowns, Joe and I came up with our own version of the classic 12 Days of Christmas song to sum up our toddler version of Christmas.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
12 Mickeys Dancing
Which is code for we watch Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas, Twice Upon a Christmas, and every other kind of Mickey Christmas show ever made on repeat a bajillion times. And counting. Joe and I actually tried to tally up how many times we've heard the hotdog song and the number is depressing. I'll leave it at that.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
11 Ornaments Breaking
Declan will probably never live down the infamy of eating an ornament. Ever. I've already written it into his wedding speech. There are also several other ornaments that met their end the old fashioned way, by being smashed to bits. And remember all those foam ornaments Ez and I made? At least half of them have been torn to shreds by Ez himself. Turns out breaking them is just as fun as making them.

On the tenth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
10 Cookies Stolen
We haven't actually made any cookies yet, what I really wanted to write was advent chocolates stolen, but that just didn't fit as well. It's been a nonstop sugar rush since Halloween, so you can really sub any kind of sweet treat here and I'm sure you get the point.

On the ninth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
9 Crumbs a Dropping
Unfortunately this one isn't limited to the holiday season. And the count is way past 9 before breakfast is even halfway finished, but this isn't the 4,945,384 days of Christmas, so 9 crumbs it is.

On the eighth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
8 Bottles Spilling
Bottles aren't really that spillable, though Declan manages to find a way. Currently his real specialty is removing the straws from their cups and then pouring all the contents out through the straw hole. Carpets and toddlers are a bad idea.

On the seventh day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
7 Presents Discovered
Santa really needs to step up his present hiding game because the littlest one is quite the sleuth. I figured I could just set a bag on the counter and hide it later. Nope. Declan can reach the counters now. Which means nothing will ever be safe again. He pulled a bag down, Ez found toys in the bag, and that leads us to...

On the sixth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
6 Resulting Meltdowns
The whole toy discovery (and toy taking away) was actually just one of many Christmasy meltdowns. Is anyone else noticing an increase in tears lately? There's also the fact that mommy wants to take extra pictures this month. Nothing causes tears like the sight of the camera. Visits to Santa. Waiting in long lines. All the extra sugar (see day 10). Many more that came completely from left field and I'm still feeling dazed and confused at exactly how they originated. To be fair the long lines have nearly gotten to me a few times too.

On the fifth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
5 Lumps of Coal
So far there are have been no actual lumps of coal. What Joe and I are really getting at is the number of times we have threatened lumps of coal when two certain kids are having one of their epic meltdowns mentioned above. This form of blackmail/bribery/incentive/whatever you want to call it is slowly starting to work on Ez. Sadly Declan doesn't give an ef.

On the fourth day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
4 Missing Shoes
Again, this goes way beyond just Christmas time, but it's just not a legitimate toddler countdown if we don't mention the mysterious disappearance of shoes. Or the mysterious repulsion at putting on said shoes.

On the third through first day of Christmas my toddler gave to me...
3 Children Crying waiting...
2 Freaking Hours to see...
1 Santa at the Crowded Mall
I think this is pretty self explanatory. It's just not a Santa visit without crying children. To be honest, the crying kid on Santa's lap pictures are kinda my favorite. But if you got lucky and it's not your kid crying this year then there's a good chance you're still surrounded by three (or thirty) other crying kids. No wonder Santa looks so traumatized in half the Santa photos we've acquired the past four years...

And there you have it! We love this season of the year and this season of our lives, but it's just not an accurate representation if we don't mention the dozens of times a day Joe and I roll our eyes at each other above the kids' heads and pray that naptime or bedtime lasts just a little bit longer. And then spend that naptime coming up with songs about those very same crazy little kids... ;)

Toddlerville

It's been four months since my last Toddlerville update and that's more than enough time for the entire landscape of Toddlerville to change. For example, we've moved past the lick every public thing that has been touched, sneezed on, and coughed on by 25,674 people phase that we were in just under a year ago. Thank God. But now we're in the No phase. Like hardcore NOs to everything and sometimes it feels like all that gets said in this house is some variation of no. Anyone else there too right now? And while we're at it, please tell me some of these scenarios look a little bit familiar too. #momsolidarity

When in order to clean a tiny corner of your house you have to let your child destroy the other 98%:

When a trip to the store requires the same amount of precision and planning as a covert military operation. And let's be honest, it's a doomed mission from the get go. Ez inevitably hones in on a toy car in 2.5 seconds flat. Or at the very least toothpaste with Lightning McQueen on it. And then he of course wants me to "open it??!" immediately. That leaves three parental choices. Option 1) Break it to him right then that we aren't paying for it or opening it. Not now. Not ever. Obviously this method only works when we didn't really want to shop, we just wanted to walk into the store and walk right back out dragging a flailing toddler behind us. Option 2) Pretend like we'll eventually pay for it and hope that his nonexistent toddler attention span will work in our favor today. Or, Option 3) Just agree to pay for it. When we're done shopping, of course. All three options lead to the same result: a whining toddler asking you to "pay for it??!" at least twenty times per aisle leading to the inevitable meltdown two aisles before checkout with a full cart and the choice to either suck it up and wait in line with a screaming toddler, or abort mission and go home without any necessary provisions to get through the week. 

When your vocabulary dwindles almost as quickly as your toddler's vocabulary grows. I blame this on the fact that in order for my toddler's vocabulary to grow we have to repeat the same words and phrases over and over and over again which results in a never ending cycle of the same conversation day in and day out. And don't even get me started on the repetition of story time. Ez's current favorite book is Go Dog Go, which I'm going to go ahead and label as top five most annoying children's books of all time. The bright side is that at least one of us is getting smarter...

When this makes you want to both laugh and cry:

Between diaper deficiencies, rudimentary understanding of utensils, and a complete toddler-imposed ban on napkins there's just so much laundry. And stain removal. And why do kids clothes even come in white? I don't remember the last time I saw the bottom of the hamper, and I don't have any expectations of seeing it for the next 17 and a half years or so.

When the answer to everything is No. Say No first, ask questions later - that's the two year old motto. Almost every time I ask Ez if he wants water or a snack I get an emphatic NO! in return, shortly followed by "wawa?" Sigh. Learn how to say yes! And heaven forbid I offer him water when he's not thirsty, because I don't just get a simple no thanks. It's a full on screaming "NO!" complete with flailing arms. The indignation. How dare I try to rehydrate him? Sometimes I catch him saying no to himself for no reason at all. Like he's just practicing for the moment I ask him something. On the flip side, I find myself saying no all day long too. And I really hate it. But it's either that or let him practice WWE moves on Declan. Or play soccer on the stairs. Or open the fridge and try to climb the shelves...you get the point.

What stage is your toddler at? I'm starting to get a little glimpse of threenager antics and the mood swings ain't pretty. But we're also getting to the stage where Ez says so many cute and funny things. And along with the mood swings come lots of extra snuggles, so the pros do outweigh the pull your hair out moments. And on the days that they don't then there's always this must read article:  Top 6 Wines That Pair With Your Child's Crappy Behavior. So what are we drinking tonight? ;)

Toddlerville - It's Their World, You're Just Living In It

Everything's always changing in Toddlerville. There's the wobbly toddler stage, the independent, do-everything-myself phase, the talkative phase, and the sassy phase. Right now we're somewhere in the middle of independent and talkative. So here's what's going on lately for us in Toddlerville:

- With the push of a button your toddler can reprogram the TV to Spanish, yet it takes an hour for two adults to figure out how to undo it.

- You make yourself a snack and two steps out of the kitchen you're met with accusing eyes and outstretched arms ready to take back their food that you dared to eat. 

- Everything is always mom's fault. Fell down trying to walk backward on the playground? Go blame mom. Can't fit your giant head between the couch and end table? Definitely mom's fault. Hurt yourself rough housing with Daddy? Somehow that's mom's fault too.

- You get tons of help with chores. For instance, all the dirty laundry winds up shoved back into a dresser drawer and dirty plates get put away...in the trash can. Thanks kid.

- Several times a day everyone is expected to drop what they're doing and run circles through the house while screaming at the top of their lungs. I'm sure our neighbors love us.

- And, perhaps the greatest mystery in Toddlerville - the more tired you are the more energy you exert. In normal Adultland, lack of sleep means extra coffee and maybe a nap, but it turns out we've had it wrong this entire time. In Toddlerville, no sleep actually means extra laps running in circles and screaming. Where can I get whatever he's on?

What's Toddlerville looking like for you these days?

You can check out some past Toddlerville happenings here and here.

Ezzyisms - 27 Months

You know how they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results? That's basically life with a toddler. Except the results really are different every time.

Example:
Me: Time to go to bed! <Turn off light>
Ez: blood curdling scream.
Me: <flip on light switch> Ez, it's time to go to bed. I'm going to turn off the light and it's time to sleep. <turn off light>
Ez: blood curdling scream.
Me: <flip on light switch> Ez, it's time to go to bed. I'm going to turn off the light and it's time to sleep. 
Ez: It's bedtime! (in a "why didn't you just say so?" tone). 
Me: sigh.
Ez: <lays down and fake snores>
Me: <turn off light>

I'm living the definition of insanity. But also, the cuteness. So much cuteness on the daily from this crazy little toddler of mine. The words just keep on coming and coming. And his tiny little voice and the way he (mis)pronounces things. I just want to freeze frame it all. So, before he suddenly starts speaking perfectly (and talking back!) I wanted to jot down some current Ezzyisms.

• Kachow! - a la Lightning McQueen.
• Come on down! (from The Price is Right, of course).
• Har go! - "Here you go!" He loves saying this so much that he'll often hand us something, then grab it back out of our hands just so he can give it to us again.
• Bye bye! - He says this every time he exits a room, and he won't leave until the person waves back. We've tried to explain that bye bye is usually reserved for slightly longer term goodbyes, but secretly I love it. 
• Rubbing his face against people as a sign of affection. Just like a cat.
• His dolphin laugh - usually fake and overly exaggerated.
• Oww!! - also from Cars.
• Make hot! - anytime I microwave something he'll stand in the kitchen chanting this over and over.
• Mimicking the GPS and yelling out directions. Our little backseat driver.

Also, his imagination is really starting to shine through. Over the weekend we went to visit my family and Ez insisted on watching videos of himself on Grampa's phone. (Are all toddlers egomaniacs, or just mine??) In one of the videos he's standing on the beach, and as the water crashes around his feet he starts stomping and screaming. So in real life, he takes my purse, pulls it over his feet like it's the water, and then reenacts the video. Over and over. It cracked me up that he decided the purse could substitute as the ocean. 

Although this video doesn't do the cuteness justice, here are a few of the Ezzyisms I managed to capture:

5 Things I Love About Ez

I've already mentioned quite a few times how helpful Joe has been this whole pregnancy, but I think Ez deserves some credit too. For a toddler, (I'm pretty sure calling him a high-energy toddler is a bit redundant, but that he is), he's been making this whole pregnancy fairly easy on me. He can't quite climb up onto the counter to make his own lunch just yet, but aside from needing to be fed several times a day he's a fairly independent little guy. So here's a little list of a few things I really appreciate about him:

1. He entertains himself for hours on end. It's seriously amazing. He already has a great imagination, and will narrate things as he's playing with his cars. I have no idea what he's actually trying to say, but I'm pretty sure he's got a super entertaining scenario going on that would be absolutely captivating if only I spoke toddler fluently.
2. His attention span has grown by leaps and bounds. I know I mentioned in my pregnancy confessions that Cars (the movie) has been a lifesaver, but I'm honestly still a little shocked that he'll even sit through a feature length Disney film. Perhaps watching it daily is overkill, and I sometimes question whether he's been brainwashed by Disney, but from what I've heard from parents of Frozen fanatics, that's pretty much par for the course once you've got kids. (And the answer is yes, we've all been brainwashed by Disney. There's no resisting their magicalness.)
3. He's started reading his books to himself. Usually this only takes place after we've read it together 20 times in a row, but hearing him narrate the story in his cute little toddler voice is pretty much the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Oh, and did I mention that he now sings to himself constantly? I take it back, listening to him sing nursery rhymes is actually the sweetest thing I've ever heard. ABCs, Wheels on the Bus, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star are the current faves. He can already carry a tune better than I can, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face. Also, it blows my mind the amount of info he soaks up and retains. Toddler brains are incredible.
4. He follows directions surprisingly well. He'll pick up his messes and fetch me things within his reach, and trust me, I take full advantage of both those things. I'm sure he goes around telling all his friends how much work it is having a parent ;)
5. Lately he's been giving me all kinds of extra snuggles. Maybe he senses that his time as an only child is coming to an end, or maybe he's picked up that mommy now struggles like a beached whale just to get off the couch, but whatever the reason, I'll take those extra snuggles and I'd bottle them up if I could.

Aside from Ez's easy-going and independent nature, here are a few things that have been getting us through these last few weeks:

• puzzles (the peg board kind)
• books (anything involving vehicles of any kind)
• the Cars & Planes movies
• his water table
• coloring books

That's pretty much our daily life lately. I feel bad that Ez is getting a little jipped in the parent department lately, but he's taking it all like a champ. And my parents are coming into town tomorrow, so soon he'll have plenty of doting grandparents to entertain him while I continue the baby waiting game.

Currently in Toddlerville

Happy 1st day of June! It's been awhile since I've done a Currently post, so here's what's going on right now in Toddlerville.

Currently watching... Myself. All day everyday. Thankfully mom and dad record my every move. I crack myself up. Does that make me an egomaniac? I didn't think so either.

Currently eating... Cheerios. Off the floor. Mom tried to give me cereal without milk. Joke's on her.

Currently reading... anything featuring trucks. Little Blue Truck, Trucktown Race from A to Z, Red Truck... betcha had no idea there were so many books about trucks, did ya? Also, the best way to really get to the heart of the book is to read it twenty times. In a row. Complete with sound effects. Trust me.

Currently singing... "Dadgum." If you haven't watched Mater's Tall Tales continuously on a six hour car trip, you're really missing out on the finer joys of life. (And yes, dadgum is the only lyric. Don't cheat yourself - be sure to check out the acoustic version AND the heavy metal version.) Also, Wheels on the Bus is a close second. I've got mom up to 30 made-up verses, and while she scrambles around trying to think up new lyrics I like to chant "more! more! MORE!" She does her finest work under pressure.

Currently playing... A fun game I like to call: "carpet the floor with all 3,062 cars and trains I own." This game also doubles as a strategic battle game, since the cars make effective landmines and booby traps.

Currently working on...my status as cutest kid in the whole world. My signature move: grabbing mom by the hand and leading her to the couch for snuggles. She's wrapped around my little finger.

Currently protesting...EVERYTHING! "Wanna go play outside?" "Wanna go to Gymboree?" "Want a snack?" Geesh! Stop asking! I've learned the word "no" and I'm not afraid to use it. Here's my answer to everything:

Currently wishing for... More cars. My collection of 3,062 is a little on the light side, don't you think?

Currently looking forward to... My last month as an only child and also to becoming a big bro, aka - The Boss.

PS - in case you're interested, here are all the other Toddlerville updates.

Our 5 Favorite Big Brother Books for Toddlers

With less than two months to go, I thought it was time to get serious about prepping for baby #2, and part of that prep includes making Ez understand as much as he possibly can before we shock his little world with a new brother. To be honest, I don't think anything besides experience can really prep him for what's it's like to live with a baby, day in and day out. I know reading about newborns didn't fully prepare me for the reality of having one. But I still want him to have as much understanding as possible, so off to the library and Barnes & Noble we went. While all of these are specifically geared toward big brothers, they each have a big sister counterpart by the same author.

1. I Have a Brother

This is a super simple to understand book that compares what it's like to be little with what big brothers can do (ie - "My brother wears diapers. When I was little I wore diapers too.") Technically Ez will still be in diapers when the new baby gets here, but it does make the big bro feel special because he's able to do so much more than baby. There's only one sentence per page with very simple illustrations, which makes it perfect for short attention spans.

2. I Am a Big Brother

This is one of my favorites for young kids for a few reasons. For one, it's a board book, which is great for Ez's destructive little hands. It keeps things simple with only 1-2 sentences per page. It rhymes. It talks a lot about the big brother's role (ie - "If baby wakes with cranky cries, I softly sing sweet lullabies") and I'm a fan of playing up the sibling relationship and their interaction, even while baby is still too young to actually play. 

3. I'm a Big Brother

This book is slightly more advanced than the other two, and talks a little more about the practicalities of having a new baby in the house, but at the same time it's not too complicated or wordy. It talks about how babies cry to tell us something, or how you have to ask mommy before holding or touching the baby. Like the others, there's also an emphasis on all the things big bro can do that baby can't, like walking, talking, and eating pizza. I also like that it emphasizes that big bro is always going to be special because "I'm the only me in the whole wide world."

4. Big Brothers Are the Best

While the wording and structure are very simple in this book, I think it would work best for kids a little older than Ez's age, maybe 3 and up, because it talks about helping by putting on the baby's socks or burping the baby. Unfortunately Ez doesn't even put his own socks yet, so I don't see that happening, but if he were at that age this would be a great book for him. I also like that while it has the "I'm a big bro so I can do all kinds of cool stuff" theme, it also points out that big bros aren't too big to snuggle with mommy or ride on daddy's back. So true! I definitely don't want the snuggles to stop anytime soon.

5. I'm a New Big Brother

Like all of these books, the real emphasis is on how big brother can help once baby arrives. "I hold you gently. I push you in the stroller. I read to you." etc. It really plays up the sibling relationship, and all the ways baby will depend on big bro once he/she gets here. Since Ez is really at a "helpful" stage, where he wants to copy whatever we're doing and help out with chores, this is a great angle to play up with him.

The reason I like these 5 books in particular for kids in the 2-4 range is that they are simple to understand, and mainly focus on including big brother and helping him take on this new role, instead of focusing on all the negative aspects that having a newborn around might entail. While there is some mention of baby crying, or needing to be quiet when baby is sleeping, there's also emphasis on still being loved and special, and that now there's a new person in the family who will love big brother too. 

Other books I looked at, including Baby on the Way by Martha and William Sears, deal a little more with the pregnancy aspect of bring home a new baby, such as talking about how mommy will need to rest more, or her tummy might hurt as if she'd "eaten too much soda and cake" (which she may have!), and I really wish I could make Ez understand all that. Unfortunately I think the comprehension level is a little higher than 2 years. According to Amazon, the age range for the Sears book is 3-6 years.

Did you introduce the idea of a new baby through books with your first child? Do you think it had any impact? And which books were their favorites? Always looking for tips and recommendations on how to make the new sibling transition easier on a two year old!

Happy almost Mother's Day to all the moms! Hope you get lots of extra love, snuggles, and treats this weekend :)

32 Week Bump Update - aka: Pregnant in Toddlerville

I can officially say baby #2 is due next month! Yay and yikes! I'm ready to meet and hold this guy, but still not completely sure how ready I am to be a mom of a toddler and a newborn. 

A lot of people have asked me how this pregnancy compares to my last one, and symptom for symptom they've been nearly identical. Very short-lived nausea, mild and sporadic heartburn, and both my little guys made sure to reorganize my insides by kicking a rib out of place. Pregnancy isn't a very romantic or idealized time for me. I know some people love it, but I'll admit I like having my internal organs all to myself. It's not dramatic or awful either. For me pregnancy is a means to an end, and through all the endless bathroom trips, the huffing and puffing just to get off the couch, and the back pain, I feel incredibly blessed to be able to make healthy babies.

The one big difference this time around is that I'm already a mom. So now, while I'm in my third trimester and just want to lay around eating cereal and vegging out, I have to put down the spoon and get on the hardwood floor to play trains, or actually venture out of the house to Gymboree class or the park before the toddler monster rears it's ugly head. 

During my first pregnancy I had an idea that my life would change forever, but it was more of a far away notion that I didn't fully comprehend. I still got to do pretty much exactly what I wanted when I wanted. I went to the gym regularly, I slept all the time, we watched shows besides Doc McStuffins and went on plenty of dates. Now there is no such thing as planning. "I'll wake up early and do a few miles on the treadmill before Joe goes to work," I'll think. Ha! A certain toddler will get up even earlier (like 5 am) so I can kiss those plans goodbye. Then I may think, well, he's definitely gotta nap since he was up at 5, so I can get some stuff done at naptime. Joke's on me! He will nap, but only in my arms, or in 20 minute increments. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that once you're in Toddlerville it's best to just give up any notions of planning and go with the flow. Plans are like a direct challenge to the Toddler Gods, and they always get the last laugh.

My view as I write this:

A nice thing about pregnancy #2 is that I'm much more relaxed about the actual pregnancy. Google and I were bffs during my first pregnancy. I'd look up every symptom and bit of advice I could find, which in hindsight was probably a little obsessive and stressful. This time around I've been there before and I know what to expect. But that's also the scariest part about pregnancy #2. I've actually felt contractions and had an epidural and an episiotomy. And I know that breast feeding is time consuming and painful. Ignorance is bliss. 

One aspect where I have no idea what's in store for us is how parenting a newborn and a toddler simultaneously works. One wants to sleep and eat all day, the other has energy to burn. With Ez we pretty much just stayed home and hibernated the first few months. Unfortunately I don't think that will cut it this time around. I have faith that we'll adapt, but I figure that much like labor and delivery it's best not to think about it too much and just dive in when the time comes. 

We are currently in the middle of the dreaded sick + teething + no sleeping trifecta (aka a shitstorm). I know all you parents can relate. This is probably not the time to contemplate my ability to parent two little ones when just handling one is using up my energy and patience faster than I can replenish it. A sick toddler is pretty much a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation. On the one hand, I've never had better snuggles than this week. On the other, we've never had so many timeouts for hitting and throwing. There have been plenty of nights this week where I escape to the treadmill just to have some alone time once Joe gets home. (Which honestly isn't the worst thing in the world.)

Any other 2nd time mamas feel similar anxiety about parenting two vs. one?

5 (More) Signs You're in Toddlerville

It's been awhile since my first Toddlerville post, and if there's one thing about Toddlerville, it's that the landscape is constantly changing. Toddlers like to keep you on your toes. One day they love something, the next day they hate it. So here are 5 new, updated ways to know when you're in Toddlerville.

1. If you've ever scooped up a Gumby-like, protesting child who has collapsed into a heap of Jello on the floor of a public place, then welcome to Toddlerville. This is pretty much a rite of passage. Bonus points if you successfully accomplished this while pregnant, because I can speak from experience that it's no easy feat.

2. If you're suddenly aware just how many things in the world are not lickable, and you find yourself saying things on the daily like, "Don't lick that basketball that 20 other toddlers just touched (and licked)" then you're definitely living with a toddler. Good luck, because the amount of unlickable things they still manage to lick is pretty disgusting if you stop to think about it too much. Somehow they survive though.

3. Getting dressed every morning has gone from a simple 2-minute affair to a rousing game of tag, where at least one person is thoroughly not enjoying the process (usually me). Once a certain toddler is caught, he reverts to the Gumby-like position I talked about in #1, which makes getting pants on super easy.

4. You put way more thought and practice into making animal and motorized vehicle sounds than you ever thought possible. If they gave out degrees on how to make elephant sounds, Joe and I would both have Masters by now. Well, Joe would probably have his Doctorate, because Ez has decided he's the top elephant trumpeter in the house. He's basically certified to give lessons now, if any of you are looking to improve your elephant sound game. He also does a good lion, goat, and airplane. If it puts a smile on a fussy toddler's face, there's no shame in pulling our your best choo choo train in public. #happytoddlerhappyparents

5. Despite the physical rigors and public embarrassment that happen daily in Toddlerville, you find yourself saying I love you at least a billion times a day. If a casual acquaintance or a co-worker put you through all of this, you'd most likely block their number or start looking for a new job, but somehow a toddler manages to pull this off and still comes out looking like the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest little person on the planet. It's a mystery of science how one person can be so simultaneously exasperating and completely lovable, but only a toddler can pull it off.

And, while we're on the topic, here are a few of the most recent #reasonsmysoniscrying:

- It's time to brush his teeth

- It's time to stop brushing his teeth (I think we can all agree toddlers are hypocrites)

- It's time to get dressed to go to the park/Gymboree/anywhere

- It's time to leave the park/Gymboree/anywhere

- It was actually not a good idea to leap face first into the hardwood floor

What about you - any crazy toddler moments to share this week? What's the most embarrassing public meltdown you've dealt with? It's nice to know we're all in this together!

Why Moms Don't Get Anything Done

I'm sure you've all seen this video floating around the internet. If not, go watch it now, because I'm sure every parent (especially the stay at home ones) can relate. It's hilarious, and also slightly depressing because it's true. That video is pretty much reason I try to cram in any chores while Ez is sleeping, which means not a whole lot gets cleaned around here. A few chores Ez likes "helping" with are laundry and sweeping. He actually is somewhat helpful with the laundry: I hand him clothes out of the washer and he throws them into the dryer. But this is what happens when we try to sweep together:

In case you're wondering, that stuff you see flying through the air are the little bits of dirt and dust I'd already swept into a pile. And then, a few minutes later, while I was getting dinner ready, this happened:

Apparently Ez's armchair was a bit bland, so he spiced it up with the entire contents of a salt shaker he swiped off the kitchen table. First of all, when did he get tall enough to reach stuff off the table? And secondly, why is he the one crying about this mess? I took "his" salt shaker away and told him the salt doesn't go on the furniture. A complete meltdown ensued, which only got worse when I brought out the vacuum to clean the mess up.

By the way, you might have already seen that photo last night on Instagram, with the hashtag: #reasonsmysoniscrying. Going through all the other photos on instagram with the same hashtag was pretty hilarious and comforting. A few of my favorite reasons why these kids are crying:

- I pressed play on a movie he picked out.

- the "toothpaste tantrum" : He sure did think the toothpaste tasted good.

- He hated his Everglades outing because we wouldn't let him get down and play with the gators.

- I offered him a piece of cheese.

What are some of the funniest meltdowns your kids have had recently? Sometimes it's nice to know all moms have been there. 

Pants-less in Toddlerville

It goes without saying that you pack an extra change of clothes pretty much every time you leave the house with a toddler. If you're thinking worst-case scenarios, you'll probably pack two. Not to mention clothes for whatever possible weather change might happen. Whenever my parents take Ez for a day trip to Disneyland, I usually send him off with a duffle bag full of "essentials" and they question how long I expect him to be gone for. This weekend we took a mini family getaway and spent one night in San Diego. One night and Ez wound up needing 5 pairs of pants. Five pairs! How is that possible, you may ask? (Though I'm sure you already know, if you've got a toddler.)

The first pair gets soaked in poo less than halfway through a two-hour drive. Along with the carseat, of course. After a make-do wipe down of the carseat, and a new pair of pants you're on your way again. Check into the hotel, smell poo, check diaper, and find poo creeping out the diaper and up the back. Now down 2 pairs of pants and 1 shirt. Not to mention having to handwash the carseat cover in the hotel sink and dry with a hair dryer. 

The next morning, while at breakfast, there's another poo explosion, which means we're on our last pair of pants for the trip. With the way things have been going, we don't want to gamble on that last pair of pants lasting the whole day, so we stock up on two pairs of clearance pants at Target. 

Next stop: the zoo. About twenty paces away from our car, on the way to the zoo entrance, Ez dumps a full cup of water all over himself. Now we're onto one of the emergency, recently-purchased pairs of pants, as well as another top. So, to sum it up: Ez has worn 5 pairs of pants and 4 tops in 24 hours, and we're down to our last emergency pair of pants. Thankfully the clothing catastrophes stopped there, but the amount of clothing changes that kid went through was unreal. We kept joking that he thought he was presenting at the Oscars or something.

Here's my basic list for Ez and I. I thought for sure I was overpacking on Ez's part, and it turns out we needed more!

Probably should also mention that parents are often caught in the crossfire with these poo explosions, so Joe and I should have brought an extra change of clothes as well. Live and learn. How much do you usually pack on a typical outing with your kid(s)?

Despite all the crazy messes, we really did have a great time! Expect lots of zoo and food pictures in the near future.

5 Signs That You're in Toddlerville

Last night, after Ez went to bed, Joe and I were lying awake talking about this new place we've found ourselves in: Toddlerville. We started joking about how we'd rate it on Yelp, if we could. 

1. Toddlerville is full of little hoodlums. Any toy you've ever bought can and will be used against you. As a weapon. For some reason Ez has gotten into a fun new pre-bed routine when he's tired but still fighting sleep so he decides to start launching everything he can get his hands on at our heads. And he does it with a mischievous smile, that lets you know he knows he's doing something bad. I believe parenting books call this "testing the boundaries." But most people in the real world would call this bullying. Or being a jerk. 

2. I already mentioned that toys are weapons in Toddlerville, but it should also be mentioned that Toddlerville is basically built out of toys. Toys definitely seem to be the roadways of our house, anyway. Here's a picture of my kitchen floor right now, which is pretty standard if we remove the barricade (our ottoman) for a few minutes:

3. Toddlerville is a place where pooh defies gravity. Joe spent a lot of time dwelling on this one last night. How does pooh climb up a back? It just seems like it defies physics.

4. Clearly this Yelp review isn't looking too good for Toddlerville. I'd say we're at about 1 star. (Having a toy car launched at your head will remove a lot of stars real fast.) But the amazing thing about Toddlerville is that a little thing like an impromptu dance party or a smile (of the non-mischeivous, not plotting-harm-against-you variety) can completely wipe the slate clean. I can't even count all the nights when we've finally gotten Ez to sleep, and then we spend our free time looking at pictures of him and contemplating if we should maybe wake him up for just one more snuggle.

5. The learning curve in Toddlerville is pretty astounding. No day in Toddlerville ever looks the same, because Ez is just changing so fast these days. One day he's crying in frustration because he can't make his puzzle piece fit, and the next day he's mastered the puzzle. And the words are starting to come. Real words. Not only ones that start with "B" - this makes Toddlerville a very exciting place.

Final Yelp review for Toddlerville? 5 stars - just like every other stage Ez has gone through. Though this stage is definitely not for the faint-hearted, and is much more challenging than the newborn phase, it's also so fun, and much funnier. That kid cracks me up every day. And watching your kid figuring things out and learning how this world works is one of the most rewarding parenting experiences, if not the most rewarding.

Linking up with The Farmer's Wife for the Oh Hey, Friday series!

Assembly Required

I'm just gonna throw it out there that one of my least favorite parts of parenthood is all the assembly required. There was the crib, dresser, and changing table, which was a ton of fun to put together while I was eight months pregnant. *sarcasm* (nothing is fun while 8 months pregnant). Then we had an extremely pleasant year-long lull in putting stuff together which was broken today when we had no option but to put up a real baby gate (instead of the strategically placed cases of water that we had been using). Ezzy tried to jump headfirst over the water bottles last night. Thankfully he didn't make it, and just belly flopped on top of the water bottles, and then flailed around crying to be rescued. Unlike putting together his nursery furniture, this time I had to contend with a very active baby trying to climb on my back (see photo 1) as I was trying to decipher confusing instructions and manually screw the gate into the wall since my power drill is a cheap Ikea p.o.c. I know this is only the beginning and we've got plenty of Christmas and Birthday toy assembly in front of us. When you pair Joe's impatience for reading instructions, and my tendency to do at least one step per project backward, Ezzy should be in for some interesting presents... Sorry, kid.

Also, as you can tell from the pictures, Ezzy thinks the gate is his newest toy/personal jungle gym. Fingers crossed that thing holds up...